There have been alot of things going all over my mind lately..

It is not like they usually don't.. Just.. I remember more of them than I usually do. I wonder what a right path in life is often. I never came to a conclusion. The best I came up with is that there is no right/wrong. There just is. No universal rule or truth exists. We are all in it on our own. It is something only we are in charge of. Our decisions.. Sometimes, when I look back into a past and I see where something I should have done differently.. I wish I could change it. But only for a moment.. Because after the first irrational thought leaves, I finally realize what changes in my life that small "mistake" did. How it changed the course of my life, gave me something I didn't have before. And I am grateful. I am grateful for all the pain I had to go through to come to this point. You know, I am usually the "fun" person. The one looking only at bright sides of everything. Making jokes out of everything and everyone buried deep down in that shadows the brightness is causing. And I forget. Forget that the brighter the sun, the darker the shadow. I only know how to be my sucky self. I don't know how to adjust. Adjust my behavior. My understanding. It pains me to see how limited I am.. Not at all like I might think of myself all the time. Charming, pleasant, funny, loud, childish, .. All that and much more. I never gave it much thought as to why some people don't like me. At all. Well, I don't care mostly. And even if I think about it, I don't really think about changing myself to fit the images and needs of others. I don't need it. I think of why can there be such hard feelings caused by something completely unintentional. Irrelevant. To me. And I always come back to that path. Because we all walk our own path. Some might discuss between each other what types of asphalt are the best to use in order to improve the endurane of it. And some might talk about the grass growing on it. How to take care of it. The flowers there, bathing in the sun.. How can they understand me when I talk about the road created by the wind? What the world looks like in different perspective.. How nice it feels to feel the coldness on your cheeks. The hair dancing like a herd of wild horses. So I think, should I want to be understood by everybody? Can I really be so selfish? Instead, I should treasure and cherish the understandment and belonging I feel, as few as it is. And I should in turn be understanding to everybody else. Accept them, not based on myself and my ideals, but based on who they really are. Based on how they listen, talk, laugh, glare angrily, ignore, eat, .. Because all of it is amazing when really comprehended. Unique.

I really don't know where my life will take me to. Where I will take myself. But that does not depress me. One bit. I admit, it would be nice every once in a while to know something for sure. To know for certain about a point in the life I can count on. Always. That point tho, it might not matter whether I count on it or not. It will be there. It might change with time.. Grow into something else. But always there. In my heart. Being the reason I can never feel alone. Be alone.

I know a story of a baby eagle. Farmer found an egg, and seeing how he can do nothing to help, he put the egg to his chickens. The baby eagle was hatched. He looked like an eagle, but in all other aspects, he was a chicken. And he remained one as long as his eyes were faced down, towards the earth, searching for worms. The moment he looked into the sky, he forgot about the ground. Forgot about the chickens. About everything else. All that remained in his head was the sky. And he flew.

I have no clue where this story came from. Or why did I write it down.. It just appeared in my mind. I also don't know what the point of all this writing is. If it achieves anything.. If I want it to achieve anything. But it is inside of me. Among other thoughts, rarely spoken about. Christmas, eh?

Another thought comes to mind. Drunken men are honest. Even to themselves.

Some don't need alcohol.